I That I can be overtaken by music - Made to resonate in my very bones; That I can be filled with rage - So much so that it spills out; That terror may transfix me; That I mourn the minutes of the day, yet Seek the passing of the years, My coming of age; That each face holds minutiae to ponder, and Each moment is a sea of such faces - I take this as proof that I am inadequate To the vast glory of being alive. II What is mastery? What is- Control? Can any infinitesimal thing not overwhelm? Do you truly believe your life is managed, That things are mapped out, That you know what you need know? How so, when every thing has a need to be known? How so - have you closed yourself, Lost your curiosity? Have you lost your mind? III You told me once that Israel was right, That Palestine was right. You said you had a definite political stance. Did you know that fifty people can Shake hands twelve-hundred-and-fifty times? You said you understood the Balkans - How many hairs are on your head? You told me big business was evil, and Activists were anarchists. You feel you know what sort of person God is, and What he wants you to do. IV She tossed her hair and laughed. She said I was misguided, Dared call me immature, Confused (I'd told her I believed in general Values, but couldn't judge cases). She said to take a position, My way or the highway. I asked if we were at war She said I had a right to an opinion, so I'd better hold one. I asked which one. Well if it's not mine, it's wrong. V I can't find it. Am I not grown? I can't find anything solid. Am I weak? I can't find the lines that divide things. Am I blind? I think I can see; I think anything can be a gradient, Like the sunset - I think there should be a billion axes On every spectrum, but I can't tell you where they are. VI I'm lost and I think it's beautiful. Nothing is steady, and I love it. Am I strong? Maybe. Maybe I really left the womb, and You just want back in. Maybe she's encasing herself, Maybe. VII Listen to me, I said to her, Hear me out. All I'm trying to say is this, It goes like this. You're wrong to think you can be right, And right if you feel You're always a little wrong.
June 15, 2003